12 irrational thought patterns that cause stress, strain relationships and distort your view of reality, according to psychology. (And, here's how to spot them in today's popular self-help trends).
12 irrational thought patterns that cause stress, strain relationships and distort your view of reality, according to psychology. (And, here's how to spot them in today's popular self-help trends).
A breakdown of irrational thought patterns (known as cognitive distortions in psychology/cognitive behavioural therapy), and how to spot them in popular self-help trends.
According to psychology, there are 15 common irrational thought patterns (aka cognitive distortions) that bring you out of touch with reality (and lead you to think negatively).
Here’s how to spot 12 of them in popular self-improvement messages.
(Once you see it, you can’t unsee it):
1. Polarized Thinking (aka “all or nothing”)
This is when your views are based on extremes or binary terms, and you don't recognize that reality often sits somewhere in the middle.
(AKA always vs. never, all good vs. all bad)
Example:
When you make a single mistake (in an interview, in a project, playing a game/sport, etc.) and conclude that the entire event was a failure.
-
Example of polarized thinking in self-help advice:
“Never give up”
This advice is helpful in some cases, but not all -
When “giving up” isn’t an option, you can hold yourself hostage in situations that aren’t healthy or productive -
It’s important to understand the difference between giving up too soon, and knowing when to let go.
2. Overgeneralization
This is when you take an idea from one event and apply it to all other events/contexts
(where it doesn’t apply).
Commonly used phrases in this cognitive distortion include:
• “Always/never”
• “Everybody/nobody”
Example:
You lose your keys and think “I’m a forgetful person, I never remember anything”.
-
Example of overgeneralization in self-help advice:
One-size-fits-all/blanket statements, i.e.:
• The secret of every successful/productive person: wake up at 5am.
That may be true for some -research shows that early risers tend to work in leadership/executive positions.
But, scientific research also makes it clear: we don't all share the same internal clock, aka chronotype.
Being aligned with your internal clock is what optimizes your productivity/energy levels.
(Read more about this popular myth in this atomic essay)
3. Emotional Reasoning
This is the belief that your emotional reactions prove that something is true,
regardless of (or by ignoring) facts or evidence that could prove otherwise.
Example:
You’re mad that someone cut you off on the road, therefore they must be a jerk/cut you off on purpose
(when in fact, it's possible that they were in a rush/not paying attention due to an emergency).
-
Example of how emotional reasoning is reinforced in self-help advice:
"Your feelings are valid"
This phrase has unintended consequences:
it cuts both ways for both helpful and harmful expressions of emotion.
The latter is called maladaptive behaviour in psychology- it prevents you from adjusting patterns/coping in ways that are helpful/constructive),
Your emotions are real (and important to acknowledge), but that doesn't mean that emotions are always valid (i.e. accurate/facts).
It’s critical to learn how to regulate emotions so you can navigate internal/external conflicts- and avoid unnecessary ones.
(Read more: why the phrase "your feelings are valid" can lead to self-sabotage)
(Read more: Practical, science-backed tools to navigate discomfort)
4. Fallacy of Fairness
This thought pattern leads you to falsely believe your *subjective* view of fairness is an absolute truth.
Example:
You and your qualified colleagues apply for the same promotion.
But, when your colleagues receive the promotion instead of you - you’re convinced that the decision was unfair.
Example of how the fallacy of fairness is reinforced in self-help:
Affirmations like: "You deserve what you desire"
Why is this misleading?
Wanting something ≠ entitled to something.
There are times when it’s in our best interest to advocate for ourselves and strive for more, and there are also times when things won’t go the way we want -
We need to learn to handle rejection vs. strictly perceive it as an insult to our worth.
5. Jumping to conclusions:
This happens when you make decisions or judgments without having all the facts -
which leads you to a faulty conclusion.
Example:
You're in a conversation (or disagreement) with someone and you assume you know what they’re about to say next,
(via internal dialogue, or by interrupting the other person while they’re speaking)
only to find out that your understanding was incorrect).
-
Example of jumping to conclusions in self-help:
A guru that prescribes your problems/solutions for/to you
(even though they do not know you or the full context of your life).
e.g. "You're not [exhausted], [burned out], you're in survival mode because of unhealed trauma".
(meanwhile, it’s entirely possible that you might just be exhausted or burned out).
6. Global Labeling
In this cognitive distortion, you use limited information and make general assumptions about someone’s personality or behavior (about you or others).
A similar example includes “psychology student’s syndrome”
(aka “second year syndrome” or “intern’s syndrome):
a phenomenon where students perceived themselves as having the disorders they begin to read/study about.
(It’s also observed in medical students re: studying disease).
Example of global labeling:
Cultural stereotypes
When you judge someone’s entire character based on a single event or behaviour
Example of global labeling In self-help:
"Which attachment style are you?"
To be clear, this information can be insightful.
But, it can also be a problem if you look for ways to label yourself while ignoring evidence that may prove otherwise (whether you know that you’re doing it or not).
It’s helpful to be aware of this slippery slope - particularly when you consume this information on your own/without input from a credible mental health professional.
When you do consume this information, you’ll want to be aware of your intentions,
e.g. are you reading to seek perspective vs. or are you trying to label yourself?
(Read more about jumping to conclusions/global labeling in this atomic essay.)
7. Always being right
This happens when you justify actions or thoughts and prioritize your opinions over facts
(or, when you do not tolerate/consider how another person might feel on matters of opinion)
Psychologists explain that this thought pattern is known to make it hard to cultivate healthy relationships.
Example:
You and your partner have different opinions on how to manage household chores. But, you are certain that your way is best and they are wrong.
-
Example (via an online message on self-worth):
“Your standards are not unreasonable. Stop letting others convince you that you're asking for too much.”
This advice might be true for people who consistently put the needs of others above their own at the cost of their wellbeing.
But, it merely enables someone who tends to be inflexible in interpersonal relationships or discussions where opinions may vary.
read more here:
8. Fallacy of change
This is when you expect other people to change their ways to suit your expectations or needs, (i.e. to cajole, or via pressure/force).
Example:
A parent who tries to convince their child to pursue a given sport, educational path, etc. (because that is what the parent also did/pursued, or wanted to but didn’t get the chance to).
-
Example of the fallacy of change in self-help advice:
Popular advice on boundaries focuses on how other people should respect your boundaries.
And while there's truth to that (assuming the boundaries are appropriate/reasonable), here's why this advice is flawed:
You can't control what other people choose to do, say, or think.
If you fixate on the idea that "other people" need to take action/make a change, you will set yourself up for struggle or resentment (if/when others don't respect your boundaries).
When you understand this, you also learn to see that you are ultimately (the only person) responsible for committing to the boundaries you set.
9. Blame
Blame refers to making others responsible for how you feel (even in cases where others have wronged you).
Example:
A [relationship] [project], etc. you’ve invested in has failed.
You look for reasons why other people/circumstances led to the failure
vs. identify, acknowledge, and accept your responsibility for the failure and move forward.
-
Example of blame in self-help advice:
• Messages about how your current behaviors are due to your past/unmet needs (or “unhealed wounds”).
This idea has become a key theme in pop self-help - and they may contain kernels of truth. But, if you subscribe to these ideas without proper guidance - it can lead you down a path of blaming others-
Here's why that's bad (even if others have wronged you):
When you fixate or blame others on the past, you can lose sight of the personal agency you have for today/your future.
And here's what I mean by that:
Real encounters with adversity (or in some cases, trauma) can/will impact you. And (at the same time), blame can rob you of discovering the power (aka responsibility) you have on your present/future .
Blame gives you an illusion of being in control.
Personal responsibility helps you to reclaim control.
Psychotherapist, Seerut Chawla says it best:
10. Should statements
“Should” statements are a form of cognitive distortion when they result in self-imposed (unrealistic/unreasonable) pressure.
Should statements can blow situations out of proportion, and create feelings of shame/a sense of failure.
Example of should statements:
People say learning/doing [x] is easy. I should be able to learn this faster….
-
Example of should statements self-help advice:
This sounds like preachy motivational advice that “talks at you” not to you
“you should be doing x,y,z ritual; let me say it again for the people in the back”, etc.
11. Catastrophizing
This cognitive distortion is when an unfavorable outcome occurs, you perceive the outcome to be far worse than it is.
Example:
You are let go from a job and think that you’ll never be able to find a job again.
-
Example of catastrophizing in self-help advice:
If “self-help” becomes the only topic you consume- you may be putting unrealistic/undue pressure on yourself around growth/change.
(i.e. you believe that you can’t be in a relationship, pursue your passion project, etc. until you become the ideal/perfect version of yourself).
Personal improvement/growth is a lifelong commitment - there is no deadline. When you think otherwise, you risk feeling “doomed” by all of the things you think you must change.
(This can also be related to #5 -jumping to conclusions and #6-global labeling)
12. Personalizing
This is when you assume that you are responsible/to blame for situations that have nothing to do with you.
Example:
You aren’t invited to an outing/meeting, etc., and you assume that you must have been excluded intentionally.
So, how is “personalizing” related to self-help?
Too much “self-reflection” can cause rumination.
In other words, There’s a difference between becoming self-aware vs. self-absorbed.
When you fixate on yourself, you are prone to create false narratives about how you view yourself/how others may perceive you.
So, when a situation or problem occurs that has nothing to do with you - you may assume that the situation is about you (and/or, you have a trait that must be fixed).
Summary/5 key takeaways:
Irrational thought patterns have a negative impact on how you view yourself, engage with others, and see the world.
Popular self-help trends can mirror these same thought traps
When consuming any advice (including this post), it’s important to ask:
Is this true?
How does this information apply to me?
How does it not apply to me?
If you identified these thought patterns in your own behaviour while reading this post:
It’s important not to fall into the negative thought loop this post highlights (i.e. catastrophize, overgeneralize, global label).
If you felt uncomfortable: discomfort is a sign that you’re now aware that these thoughts have taken place, and awareness is a helpful tool for reframing your thoughts.
While most cognitive distortions can be reversed once you’re aware of them, cognitive distortions can also be associated with mental health conditions, which can make it more difficult to (source: Psych Central)
If you have concerns about stress, anxiety, or your well-being - it’s best to consult with a mental health professional (vs. only consuming self-help materials)
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Sources:
Breus, Michael, PhD. “The Power of When.” Chapter: 3. Little, Brown Spark. Hachette Book Group. 2016. Pg 50.
Burns DD. (2012). Feeling good: The new mood therapy. New York: New American Library.
Cuncic, Arlin. “What is overgeneralization”. Verywellmind. March 3, 2022. https://www.verywellmind.com/overgeneralization-3024614
Pacheco, Danielle. “Chronotypes”. Sleep Foundation. April 8 2022. https://www.sleepfoundation.org/how-sleep-works/chronotypes#:~:text=Chronotype%20is%20the%20natural%20inclination,exercise%2C%20and%20core%20body%20temperature.
Silva Casabianca, Sandra. “15 Cognitive Distortions to blame for negative thinking”. Psych Central. January 10, 2022. https://psychcentral.com/lib/cognitive-distortions-negative-thinking#recap
Incredibly well written...I have read article twice and likely will a third time...impact increasing with each read...just want to say thank you for investing the time, research, and thought writing this...incredibly helpful!
This made for some awesome reading! I also love the way you shape the fact that even your own findings should be questioned by the reader.